Me too!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
