Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
