i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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