Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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