the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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