i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
