I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
