Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
