PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
In America we eat man semen.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
