Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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