i jhust puked up my retainher.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
