i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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