I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
