I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
