Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
