i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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