dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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