I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize