Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
