The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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