mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
