You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
