Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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