Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
