I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
