I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
