I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Everyone says I win the strip club
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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