You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
