He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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