it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
