I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she was so not down for the gang bang
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
