Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
