I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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