I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
