I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
