I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
