I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
