i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
