I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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