he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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