I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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