And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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