According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
