Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
