Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
