batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
