dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
