If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
