What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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