The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
