You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
