life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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