I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
