btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
