Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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