True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize