i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
