Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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