If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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