You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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