i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
