You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
