There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
