yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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