hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
