Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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