my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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