Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
