I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Congratulations! We have a period
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