it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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